Page 66 - Sun Rays_February 2016

ACCEPT CHANGE

Hector and Dorry Timourian We’re new lovers, old friends and open to
surprises! A major key to our long-time
relationship has been the acceptance
of change and recognition that we are
not the same people we were when we
married 57 years ago. While each one
of us still loves the person we married,
we’ve learned to fall in love with the
person each of us has become. We’re new
lovers again and again. And as we’ve
grown and evolved, we’ve recognized the
need to romantically court each other.

Our relationship is also based on a long friendship - besides lovers, we’re best Nancy and Jerry Secrist with
friends. We learn from and help each other. We do things together and support each grandchildren Nate and Evie
other’s endeavors. We have built trust and acceptance. We enjoy sharing the many
memories we have amassed together. FOR BETTER OR WORSE

We cherish surprises. While we know each other quite well, we are still surprised My advice would be to have a good sense
as we discover the newness of who we’re becoming. It’s just more reason to fall in of humor and take that “for better or
love again. worse” stuff seriously!

Hector and Dorry Timourian I had been a single mom for nearly seven
years when I met Jerry at church. He
57 Years Strong was in great shape, standing 6’ tall and
weighing 190 lbs. He ran 15-20 miles a
DEFUSE THOSE DISAGREEMENTS week, had a great job and was the cool,
laid-back type. After three years of
We utilize a useful technique we call, “What I’d like to hear you say is...” to defuse dating, we got married on the 4th of July,
disagreements that seems totally stuck. For example: 1990. It was a great start. I loved him,
he loved me and the kids were thrilled.
JOHN: My sister hopes we’ll come for dinner, but I’m not sure it’s such a good idea But, things were to change.
since we arrive later than they usually feed the kids. What do you think?
Two months later, in September, Jerry
MARSHA: Yes, but we won’t have any food on the plane and we will be hungry. I was having trouble with his voice. After
guess it’s a good idea to eat with them. many doctor visits, he was diagnosed
with a benign meningioma brain tumor
(Couple continues to debate, and concludes not to have dinner with the sister.) in his brain stem. He had surgery in
December of that year, but only 1/3 of it
JOHN: We agree that we aren’t going to eat dinner with my sister’s family, but we could be removed. The prognosis wasn’t
also need to agree on why we aren’t going to dinner. great, and we were hoping for a few good
years. While the tumor itself has never
(Here is where the technique comes in!) changed, it has wreaked havoc in many
other ways. Since moving here from
MARSHA: OK, I am ready for both of us to get on the same page about this decision. Houston in 2004, he has had 3 vocal
What do want to hear me say that will reassure you? cord surgeries, spent many days in the
hospital with pneumonia and sepsis,
JOHN: If she talks with you on the phone, be ready to tell her, “We will be tired and has suffered from countless serious
and hungry, but we want to have some extra time to ourselves to re-group before health problems. He has lost 40lbs.
we begin our visit.” Oh, and thank her, “We really appreciate the offer to delay
everyone’s normal meal time to include us but we prefer to do it this way.” I think The good news is we’re still here and love
that would work well. living in Sun City Texas! We celebrated
our 25th anniversary last year, a true
MARSHA: I can agree to say, “We’re usually pretty tired after the plane and also miracle!
hungry. We want to freshen up and be our best when we come in. Thanks for inviting
us but you go ahead and keep your regular meal time. We’ll enjoy visiting when we Nancy Secrist
get there doing it this way.” Did I get it?”
ONLINE: SCTEXAS.ORG
JOHN: Yes! I feel so relieved. I’ll send her a message right now and get it out of
the way.

Adam and Allee Blatner

Married 40 years

64 | SUNRAYS FEBRUARY 2016